real housewives of austin, tx
cassie, i am sad to report that without you as our golden beacon, our shining example in which we aspire to model ourselves after, amelia and i have been desperately searching for a new role model in our lives.
we have, sadly, turned to danielle from real housewives of new jersey for guidance in your absence and things have taken a drastic turn for the absurd.
what exactly has changed, you might ask?
1. i have become involved with the columbian drug cartel. but i assure you, i was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. specifically: dancing at qua past last call. i just thought they were your standard guidos - i promise!
2. amelia has begun a whirlwind romance with her pilates instructor.
3. i have, on three occasions, been ejected from players for getting all “grabby” with men who are many years my junior.
4. milo’s dark past has been sensationalized in a gripping new novel, Dog Without a Tag.
5. in a recent altercation at creekside, amelia was reported to have cried out, “don’t mess with my friends. we’re as thick as thieves!”
by the time you get back, who knows what will have happened to us or WHAT sort of ed hardy clothing we will be wearing.
